As a dear friend always said;

I hate my miserable life.

It's funny how feelings make you actually ache.

I do stuff without thinking of people's feelings. Maybe cause i don't realize they (people's feelings) exist. Now that i realize they do, i feel so terrible. Physically even. But at some point, it's great. It makes things more real, and it makes me not want to mess around anymore.

I can't wait till Christmas.

I actually wanted to write about the summer that passed.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm still on holidays. Kind of. I mean i have all the free time in the world and i don't even know until when. This Friday i have to go to the university thingy and give them some papers so that i'll officially be a student of it. It's weird... I had to go to school today to get some papers. It just felt normal being there, i can't believe i'm not in high school anymore. But i think i'll be fine and i'm sort of excited about my new life. I'll have to be in buses and metro for like an hour and a half every morning (why doesn't anybody believe i'm actually going to go to classes everyday? I don't want to skip!!) which is cool for me cause i don't mind them, i actually like being in buses for some reason. Tomorrow i'll try going there by myself to see if i can get there without getting lost. (i have to switch 2 buses and a metro between those two) It will be fun i guess.
Anyway. My point is... I think i need to make new year's resolutions. And no, i don't care that the calendar is not changing, i think that getting into university and stuff is way more important, and the real change is now. Anyway. Do you have any ideas? I've thought of some stuff...
Like, i always have a million questions every day. I have serious issues, i don't know how a lot of things work, what words mean, who some people are... And i'm so used to it that i never ask. It's not even that i'm used to it actually, just that it can be really embarassing when i don't know basic stuff. So, i'll get a notebook and write that stuff down. And then i have to find the answers and write them down too (cause there are things i ask people about all the time and then forget them, that's an issue too). I think it would seriously make my life easier and better.
And then maybe i should let myself feel more stuff. I've been doing this thing for a while, called denial or whatever, and i just don't let things touch me sometimes. And it's not always a conscious decision. (But sometimes it is, maybe it started that way.) And i've turned into this feeling nothing creature. Well not exaclty. But to some point. I can't focus on stuff and see what's happening sometimes, i just hear words describing a situation but i don't feel it. I'm really proud to say that there's some progress in that, because... well. i think i'm sort of kind of maybe falling in love a little. Heh. Yeah i'm actually proud of that.
Er, anyway. I think i rambled enough.
PS: EVERYtime i write something on this blog, i feel the need to do it more often, daily even. How do i end up having one post every month?! Jesus.

ommigosh

This person i've had a crush on since christmas is hitting on me! I'm so hyper right now.

Ebony. Listen to "Make your own kind of music".
And do.

Ropi. I'm in love with the "ha ha" line that kid says and i was saying it all the time -for fun- until i realized it actually sounds mean.

Yeah, i'm not exactly keeping in touch, i know.

Thank you for opening my eyes.

I saw this on tv and almost started crying. They just-- They can't do that! I'm speechless, really. I just want to start screaming and swearing! "You all make us proud to be human beings"?! What the hell! I've never been more ashamed.

i've been

meaning to talk to you (that is write here). But i don't even talk to myself that much.
Summer is kinda lame. I'm feeling alone in a way. I'm not doing anything other than watching tv shows! But i heard that nobody is really doing anything, as we all thought we will, along with the excitement of having finished this freaking year, at last.
Oh well. It's ok. Not that bad. Oh. I spent 95€ in underwear and clothes today!

FREE KIDS!!!

Not as in, i'm giving away kids for free. As in, let them be in their own world!
There was this little girl on the bus, with her grandmother or something. I don't know since when i'm so sensitive about kids, it has to be a book i read, but that's not the point. The girl said that she wants to get married to this boy. Her grandmother was all like 'ah, you're too young to have a wedding! What kind of a wedding will that be?!' And saying stuff like 'You don't know much about marriage, that's why you're saying it... When you'll grow up and learn, then you'll think it over, ha ha ha'
It pissed me off! I really wanted to talk to that girl then and tell her that she's right, and if she thinks that she should marry this boy, then she should.
The thing is... They're telling young kids stuff they shouldn't. No matter why this thought came to her mind, it's nobody's right to tell her she's wrong! Even if she thought there were pink fluffy aliens on the bus, nobody should have the right to tell her 'that's never going to happen. You see, pink fluffy aliens don't exist.' Kids should have the right to believe what they want to believe, what they think is right, and not getting into stuff like 'ah, my mom said this is right and this is wrong'.
Yeah, sometimes this has to happen, cause it's not right to hit other kids. But even in this case, it should be more important understanding why you shouldn't hit other kids rather than just saying 'that's wrong'.