wake up.

My last post was too tragic. I'm not even sure i remember what i was talking about. So don't think of me that way. Pf.
Actually, right now i'm more disappointed in myself than other people. I'm acting a bit stupid. Naive, maybe. Do you have to hit rock bottom to realize it? Maybe. Did i hit rock bottom? I don't think so, but maybe what i did do is enough to shake me a bit. Jesus Christ. I'm like 5 years old.
(Don't worry though, i'm not doing drugs or drinking and driving or -physically- hurting other people. It's all in my head)

Oh, and by the way: You. I can't keep up with blogs as it seems. Write me.

sigh

I'm kind of disappointed. In people :/

Heeeh Heeeh

I heard some things about (self) hypnosis, and i think all that crap is amazingly interesting, and i might need some help in things which i could find there. I mean, hypnosis will not make you do things you don't already want to do, but if something's holding you back, it can set you free and just do things. Which sounds great, right? Anyway... I was just searching about some stuff, and i saw this video which i thought wasn't one of the greatest but sat through it anyway. The dude's voice was kind of annoying and not that relaxing but everything else was. The thing is that after 10 minutes of becoming so relaxed and feeling my head heavy and all, the come-back thingie he did was not that successful (or, very possibly, it's just me believing that it wasn't) so i still feel my head heavy! And that's not what i needed. But it's all my fault, right? :D
I hope i won't fall asleep in the bathtub.

PS: After that, i watched another one which is supposed to make you feel drunk. Which didn't help xDD

Mornings!

I love mornings. During the holidays I was just sleeping till noon, but now –finally!- they’re over. Yeah, I said “finally”. I didn’t like Christmas this year. Actually I got a feeling that I don’t like holidays in general. (That might be pure crap, but you know how it’s like when you don’t have anything to do. So that crossed my mind) Maybe it was just that I got sick and wasn’t even in the mood to go out, so I got too much time on the computer which is never good. But I’m not here to nag. I just want to say, I’ve missed mornings. And I love waking up at 6am and having to take 2 buses and spend an hour and a half there to get to the university. I was reading a book, and I had juice, and everything was so lovely and simple :)

I'm not tired enough to go to bed.

Dale just left. I'm a little dizzy. I didn't drink much but it's bedtime i guess. I was planning on doing much more on this day. It would be all so fun, i would go out and celebrate (?) but... no. New Year's eve was nice, but nothing really happened. Except that i managed to get 2 of my best friends to hate me, and i couldn't even prove how right i was. Well, it's not really my fault. We were saying we'll go out today since summer or so, but nothing was really planned. Actually, we didn't really know where to go this afternoon. Then we started "organizing" stuff. Capsule said we should go to Efficacy's place (cause E lives closer to C than i do. What a jerk, right?) and that she'd just tell me what kind of booze she wanted me to bring over. And then i said, you know what, screw it. I'm not in the mood to go out, i'm still getting over a cold. And Dale was with me. She lives across the street so a quiet night at my place was great for her too. So i told them we wouldn't go... And then both of them got so mad at me, Efficacy said she'll hate me forever and all that colorful stuff. But whatever.
I should really make new year's resolutions including not hating my friends all the time (and then loving them to death and then switching back like nothing's happening). Gods...

For the record, I don't anymore

Not that much anyway. There are stuff about life that are always interesting. But i'm now supposedly an adult. I'm still 17, but i mean i'm in the university and stuff, so i'm KIND OF starting to be an adult. And i notice many things that i don't like that much, and they annoy me. I couldn't see them earlier i guess. I sometimes feel like i'm thirteen and discovering the world and seeing how everything sucks all over again. But now it's worse cause i see more stuff. Or more important ones.
Like the more you grow up, the more doors you close. I now know that i'll never be a radio producer, or a psychologist, or other random jobs that i've found kind of interesting over the years. It's really sudden that some woman comes into a class, sees 160 people and tells us, "in 4 years or so, you'll have your degree and you'll be THIS". I'm kind of in a shock, how can she defines us like that? Or... did i define myself by getting in this thing? It's really so weird that suddenly, my friends and i are in different places, in different words really. We'll grow up and talk about our jobs, and they'll be different. And i'll always envie some people. Should i do this to myself? Let me grow old and be a... whatever i will be? Will i grow old and have so much jealousy for graphic designers? Will i become grumpy and unhappy because of that? Will i be unhappy?
Am i unhappy now? It's all too much...
Also, i'm having a bit of a social issue. But i won't ramble about that one now cause i have to go to bed soon, see i have to wake up at 6am in the mornings.

PS: Can i ever say what i mean to say? I wanted to write about how i'm not that miserable now, but instead it's like i had to prove the oposite. :D

As a dear friend always said;

I hate my miserable life.