It's funny how feelings make you actually ache.

I do stuff without thinking of people's feelings. Maybe cause i don't realize they (people's feelings) exist. Now that i realize they do, i feel so terrible. Physically even. But at some point, it's great. It makes things more real, and it makes me not want to mess around anymore.

I can't wait till Christmas.

I actually wanted to write about the summer that passed.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm still on holidays. Kind of. I mean i have all the free time in the world and i don't even know until when. This Friday i have to go to the university thingy and give them some papers so that i'll officially be a student of it. It's weird... I had to go to school today to get some papers. It just felt normal being there, i can't believe i'm not in high school anymore. But i think i'll be fine and i'm sort of excited about my new life. I'll have to be in buses and metro for like an hour and a half every morning (why doesn't anybody believe i'm actually going to go to classes everyday? I don't want to skip!!) which is cool for me cause i don't mind them, i actually like being in buses for some reason. Tomorrow i'll try going there by myself to see if i can get there without getting lost. (i have to switch 2 buses and a metro between those two) It will be fun i guess.
Anyway. My point is... I think i need to make new year's resolutions. And no, i don't care that the calendar is not changing, i think that getting into university and stuff is way more important, and the real change is now. Anyway. Do you have any ideas? I've thought of some stuff...
Like, i always have a million questions every day. I have serious issues, i don't know how a lot of things work, what words mean, who some people are... And i'm so used to it that i never ask. It's not even that i'm used to it actually, just that it can be really embarassing when i don't know basic stuff. So, i'll get a notebook and write that stuff down. And then i have to find the answers and write them down too (cause there are things i ask people about all the time and then forget them, that's an issue too). I think it would seriously make my life easier and better.
And then maybe i should let myself feel more stuff. I've been doing this thing for a while, called denial or whatever, and i just don't let things touch me sometimes. And it's not always a conscious decision. (But sometimes it is, maybe it started that way.) And i've turned into this feeling nothing creature. Well not exaclty. But to some point. I can't focus on stuff and see what's happening sometimes, i just hear words describing a situation but i don't feel it. I'm really proud to say that there's some progress in that, because... well. i think i'm sort of kind of maybe falling in love a little. Heh. Yeah i'm actually proud of that.
Er, anyway. I think i rambled enough.
PS: EVERYtime i write something on this blog, i feel the need to do it more often, daily even. How do i end up having one post every month?! Jesus.